Why You’re Not Disciplined Yet And How to Start Small to Build Real Motivation

Do you spend more time playing video games, scrolling social media, or binge watching shows than working towards your goals? If so, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with lacking motivation and discipline even when they know they “should” be more productive. 

In this article, we’ll explore the psychological reasons why it’s so hard to become disciplined when you enjoy your current lifestyle. We’ll also provide actionable strategies to help cultivate real intrinsic motivation so you can start taking small, sustainable steps towards positive change.

The Pleasure Trap: Why Change When You’re Happy Now?

It’s very common to feel like you “should” be more disciplined and motivated. You may constantly think you need to exercise more, study harder, work longer hours, and be more productive in general.

But at the same time, activities like playing video games, scrolling social media, staying up late to watch shows, and other entertainment bring you a lot of enjoyment. They make you happy in the moment.

So why change what you genuinely enjoy? Why add stress, hard work, and discipline to your life when you’re already happy and comfortable with how you’re living right now?

This is the core dilemma many people face when trying to motivate themselves. Your brain is naturally wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain or discomfort. Activities like studying, exercise, and work often feel uncomfortable or tedious in the short-term, even if they provide long-term benefits.

Your brain prefers to default to whatever provides the most pleasure or comfort in the present moment. So if you try to force yourself to study for hours, wake up early, or run miles every day, it goes against your natural wiring. You’ll resist change because your current lifestyle provides enjoyment without much effort.

The Path of Least Resistance

Your brain is programmed to conserve energy and seek reward. Academics call this the “principle of least effort” and it explains why we repeat behaviors that provide instant gratification.

From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense why our brains developed this way. Early humans needed to conserve energy and approach rewarding situations (like finding food) to survive.

But in today’s world, we no longer have to hunt and gather to meet our basic needs. The instinct to conserve energy and choose what’s most pleasurable in the moment often works against us. It drives us towards distraction and instant gratification rather than long-term fulfillment.

That’s why you may understand logically that more discipline and hard work would improve your life, but still resist change. Your primitive brain is wired to resist expending energy unless absolutely necessary.

Discipline Now For Fun Later? The Flawed Bargain 

One common justification for disciplining yourself is that it will lead to rewards later. For example:

– Studying hard now will help you get a good job and make more money later

– Exercising and eating well now will help you be fit and healthy in the future

– Working hard and saving now will allow you to retire early and relax eventually

But your brain sees right through this type of flawed bargain. It thinks:

“If the ultimate goal is to eventually relax and have fun, why not just relax and have fun right now?” 

After all, activities like playing video games, watching YouTube, and scrolling social media are enjoyable in the present moment. Your brain knows there’s no guarantee that hard work will pay off with the rewards you expect down the road.

So from your brain’s perspective, why bother suffering through stressful discipline today for some future payout that may never come? It’s easier to just indulge in pleasure and leisure now.

Delayed Gratification Takes Mental Energy

Resisting immediate pleasure for future gain requires strong self-discipline and belief the effort will pay off. 

But your brain is wired to avoid expending mental energy unless absolutely necessary. And since immediate pleasure like playing video games is right in front of you, while the benefits of studying are distant, your brain defaults to what’s most easily accessible now.

This is why motivation grounded in the “discipline now, fun later” bargain rarely sticks. The future feels abstract while pleasure in the present is tangible. Given the choice, the primitive brain will nearly always choose immediate reward.

Competing Interests: The Key To Motivating Change

So how do people ever successfully motivate themselves to develop discipline and stick with it over the long haul? 

The key is cultivating what experts refer to as “competing interests.” This means finding internal desires that you care about deeply which outweigh the instinct to avoid discomfort and seek immediate pleasure.

Let’s take an example of someone addicted to prescription opioid painkillers. The discomfort of withdrawal from quitting cold turkey is extremely high. So in this scenario, what would motivate someone to endure the misery of withdrawal?

Usually, it’s competing interests like wanting to be more present with family, improve health, avoid legal or career consequences, gain a sense of control, or boost self-esteem. These strong intrinsic desires compete directly with the short-term pleasure of the drug, providing motivation to endure withdrawal.

In other words, the person wanting change has competing motivations that overpower the motivation to avoid discomfort. This is the key insight. Without competing interests, there is limited motivation to put in the hard work and endure the short-term pain of real change.

External Shoulds vs. Internal Wants: The Motivation Dilemma

Here’s the problem most people face when trying to motivate themselves to change behaviors or develop self-discipline:

Their desire to change comes from external “shoulds” rather than internal wants. Their motivation is shallow and fleeting.

For example, you may think you should study hard because:

– Your parents want you to get good grades

– Your friends are studying hard for their careers

– Society says hard work and good grades lead to success 

Or you might think you should exercise regularly because:

– Your partner wants you to get in shape

– Magazines and websites promote six pack abs and lean muscle

– Doctors say you need to for your long-term health

On the surface, these external forces can provide motivation to work hard. But the problem is, your heart’s just not in it 100% because it’s not driven by what you truly want and care about internally.

Lasting motivation and satisfaction only comes from within. So the question then becomes: how do you find motivation driven by authentic internal desires rather than external shoulds?

Step 1: Question What You Actually Want

Start by scrutinizing your motivations and questioning what desires are truly yours rather than imposed externally. 

Make a list of the changes and discipline you think you “should” want. For example:

– Get six pack abs or lose 20 lbs

– Make more money 

– Get a promotion

– Go back to school 

– Wake up earlier to work out 

– Stop watching Netflix and scroll social media less

Then, go through each item on that list one-by-one and ask yourself:

“Is this something I genuinely want for myself and my own fulfillment? Or am I chasing this because of pressure from society, my parents, my peers, social media, or someone/something else external?”

Be brutally honest with yourself here. Cross off any items on your list that you realize are just external shoulds rather than true internal wants. 

You’ll likely find that most of your motivation comes from external pressure rather than authentic intrinsic drive. This helps explain why attempts to change often fail – your heart’s just not in it.

Step 2: Discover What You Wish You Wanted

After crossing off the external shoulds, you may feel stuck. You might not have a good sense what you truly want because you’ve been so strongly influenced by others your whole life.

This is normal. Our society today emphasizes external achievement over internal fulfillment. Most people are disconnected from their true passions and interests.

The good news is, there’s a simple but powerful question you can ask yourself to gain clarity: 

“Do I want to want to change?”

In other words – “Do I wish I was motivated to make positive changes in certain areas of my life?”

The answer is very often yes. Most people do wish they wanted to improve their health, career, finances, relationships, and other parts of their life on some level. 

Recognizing you want to want change is a pivotal insight. Even if you don’t consider yourself motivated now, discovering a slight desire to become motivated is major progress.

You’ve identified the seed of internal motivation within yourself. Even if small, it’s something you can nurture going forward.

Step 3: Start Tiny

Once you’ve identified one area where you want to want to change, the next step is taking action. But where do you start when you lack self-discipline?

Begin by taking tiny steps – actions so small that they take minimal effort and willpower to complete. 

For example:

– Walk for 10 minutes once this week

– Do just 1 or 2 pushups

– Spend 5 minutes studying Spanish vocabulary 

Your mind will likely tell you these small efforts are worthless. It’ll say there’s no point in walking 10 minutes or doing 2 pushups. Don’t listen!

Remember, your primitive brain is hardwired to resist expending energy. It doesn’t want you to change your habitual behaviors. So it will try to sabotage your efforts by convincing you to go all-in or not at all.

But real change starts small. Motivation builds slowly, not overnight. The key is picking something so easy you can’t say no. 

Do the minimum amount that feels non-threatening to start. Just focus on getting it done rather than judging its impact. Once it becomes habit, you can gradually build from there.

Step 4: Competing Interests – Find Your “Why”

As you take small actions consistently, you’ll need to nurture the seed of motivation you discovered within. To build real intrinsic drive, get clear on your “why”.

In other words, focus on the reasons you want this area of improvement, growth, or change. How will taking these small steps help you become who you wish to be or get what you want from life?

For example, maybe you:

– Want to be more present with your kids

– Aspire to look and feel healthy 

– Want to perform well at an upcoming work presentation

– Wish you could enjoy leisure without feeling guilty about wasting time

Spend time focusing on your why to deepen your resolve and give your small actions more meaning. Don’t let your mind distract you with thoughts of what you “should” be doing.

Strengthening motivation this way is crucial. It builds the intrinsic drive needed to turn small steps into huge leaps over time. Your competing interests directly counter balance the instinct to stay comfortable.

Conclusion: Change Happens Slowly, From the Inside Out

Becoming disciplined is hard when you already enjoy your lifestyle and resist expending energy. Real motivation must come from within.

Start by discovering your own internal wants rather than chasing external shoulds. Then take tiny actions aligned to what you want to want. 

Don’t let your mind stop you by saying your efforts don’t matter. Small steps build competing interests and intrinsic desire for change.

Rather than huge overhauls, focus on incremental progress driven by deep why. Developing lasting discipline and motivation takes time, but you can get there by starting small.

The key is being patient and compassionate with yourself. Expect discomfort at first. But know that motivation grows from consistently feeding your inner desires, not harshly forcing external shoulds.

Over time, small steps snowball into huge change. By taking the path of least resistance – starting tiny and building gradually – you can create lasting motivation and discipline, even if you feel stuck today.