Forging strong relationships and gaining social acceptance are important parts of life that most people yearn for. However, there are certain toxic habits that can destroy your likeability and instantly make people dislike you. Often, these relationship-ruining habits manifest unconsciously. 

Becoming aware of these habits and making a conscious effort to eliminate them is key to transforming yourself into a warm, attractive person that others want to be around. Avoiding just a few negative tendencies can dramatically improve how people perceive you.

Here are 7 toxic habits to avoid at all costs if you want to become more likeable along with tips on replacing them with more positive social skills:

1. Conversational Narcissism

This is the habit of constantly bringing the focus of a conversation back to yourself. Narcissism involves an excessive interest in oneself and lack of genuine interest in others. Conversational narcissism manifests when you hijack conversations to refocus them on yourself.

For example, when a friend expresses that they are going through a tough time, instead of being sympathetic you immediately start talking about your own problems without paying attention to what they said. Or when someone shares good news about themselves, you try to one up them by sharing your own accomplishments.

Conversational narcissism gives the impression that you don’t truly care about others. It makes people feel unimportant, unseen, and disconnected from you. This causes relationships to feel superficial and impersonal.

Tips to Avoid Conversational Narcissism:

• Practice active listening – Give your full attention when others speak. Maintain eye contact and avoid interrupting. 
• Ask thoughtful follow-up questions to show genuine interest in learning more about the other person.
• Express empathy and validation when others share problems before discussing your own issues.
• Compliment others’ accomplishments without making the conversation about yourself.

The key is developing self-awareness and checking your natural impulses to relate everything back to yourself. Focusing the spotlight on others will make them feel valued and warm up to you.

2. Cracking Jokes at the Wrong Time 

Humor can be a wonderful way to lighten the mood and bond with others. However, cracking jokes at the wrong time can be off-putting and damage relationships. Know when humor is welcome versus when it is better to have a serious, empathetic response.

For example, making fun of someone’s appearance, intelligence or other insecurities will make them feel ashamed and upset. Similarly, responding with jokes when someone is opening up about vulnerabilities or difficult emotions they are facing demonstrates a lack of sensitivity. It signals that you don’t take their feelings seriously.

Cracking jokes at the wrong time makes people feel deeply unheard, disrespected and uncomfortable opening up to you again in the future. It destroys trust and emotional safety in relationships.

Tips to Avoid Unwelcome Humor:

• Assess the mood and emotional state of others before joking around. Is this a lighthearted moment or are they confiding serious concerns?
• Stick to neutral topics if you are unsure whether humor would be appreciated. 
• Respond with compassion and empathy first when people share problems. Check that they are receptive to humor before lightening the mood.

The key is developing greater emotional intelligence and the ability to pick up on social cues indicating when humor is welcome versus inappropriate. Read the room and respond accordingly.

3. Cutting People Off from Answering

Asking disingenuous questions that you then answer yourself is a highly irritating habit. It leaves the other person feeling frustrated, disrespected and insignificant. 

For example, asking “Are you going to the event this weekend?” but then immediately responding “I don’t think I’m going to go” before the other person can answer. Or asking “Do you need any help?” and then jumping in to start helping without giving them a chance to respond.

This bad habit makes it clear you are not actually interested in others’ opinions or giving them space to express themselves. It creates a very lopsided dynamic that makes people not want to interact with you further.

Tips to Avoid Cutting People Off:

• Pause after asking a question to allow the other person time to answer. Don’t jump in too quickly.
• Maintain eye contact to show you are interested in their response and avoid looking at your phone or getting distracted.
• Only ask questions when you sincerely want input from others, not just as filler conversation.

Developing the patience to have genuine back-and-forth dialogue is essential for balanced communication. Let conversations unfold organically by listening as much or more than you speak.

4. Reacting with Instant Aggression

Some people are perpetually defensive and quick to react in an aggressive manner to even minor slights or misunderstandings. This tendency creates a stressful environment where others feel uneasy and insecure. 

For example, perceiving a vaguely negative tone and instantly lashing out at the other person. Or immediately accusing people of disrespecting you if they innocuously contradict something you said.  

Blowing up or chewing people out at the smallest trigger makes you seem unstable. People start walking on eggshells around you for fear of setting you off. This leads to social isolation and a bad reputation that repels new relationships.

Tips to Avoid Instant Aggression:

• Pause and take a few deep breaths when you start feeling defensive or upset. Avoid reacting instantly.
• Seek first to understand where others are coming from rather than assuming bad intent. Ask clarifying questions.
• Express your feelings in a polite, non-accusatory manner rather than attacking people.
• If needed, politely excuse yourself from conversations you feel may escalate to aggression. 

Developing self-awareness around your anger triggers along with healthy coping methods to cool down are critical skills. A less reactive, more tolerant approach makes you more approachable.

5. Insensitive Teasing 

Playful teasing can help form bonds and strengthen relationships when done tactfully with close friends who understand your humor style. However, making fun of people you don’t know well or targeting sensitive areas is a quick path to disconnection. 

For example, mocking someone’s physical appearance, intelligence, financial situation, family problems, or other insecurities. Poking fun at vulnerabilities, flaws, or sensitive topics before establishing emotional safety and trust destroys rapport. It signals a lack of empathy and consideration.

Tips to Avoid Insensitive Teasing: 

• Avoid joking or making pointed comments about recent life challenges or insecurities someone is facing.
• Get to know people extremely well before gently ribbing them about anything personal. Make sure they are 100% okay with joking around first. 
• Focus on bringing up positive shared interests and experiences when making new acquaintances. Humor should unite, not divide.

The key is reading social cues to assess what is fair game to joke about versus off limits until you know someone better. Meet new people where they are at and focus on establishing common ground.

6. Offering Unsolicited Advice

For example, hearing a friend complain briefly about their job and then immediately telling them what you think they should do to fix their problem. They didn’t ask for solutions; they just wanted to vent. But you took their complaint as an invitation to push your opinions.

Unsolicited advice also tends to make people defensive and closed off to your input. They feel insulted and condescended to instead of helped. People value freedom of choice and being able to make their own decisions.

Tips to Avoid Unsolicited Advice Giving: 

• Wait to share your opinions, suggestions, and guidance until specifically asked. Don’t just jump in with advice.
• Preface advice by asking permission first. “I have a thought about your situation if you would like to hear it?”
• Focus on asking questions to understand the full context rather than making assumptions.

The key is shifting your mindset away from arrogantly thinking you always know best and have all the answers. Develop the patience to offer help only when people explicitly request it.

7. Overstepping Relational Boundaries

This involves crossing unspoken lines and violating implicit boundaries in relationships. For example, asking overly personal questions too soon or bringing up inappropriate conversation topics before establishing enough trust and comfort. 

Other examples include oversharing private details about your own life that make others uneasy, not respecting when someone clearly doesn’t want to discuss a particular topic, or being overly pushy to connect on social media/meet up before mutual interest is established.

Basically, overstepping relational boundaries demonstrates a lack of emotional sensitivity, self-awareness, and consideration. It signals that you have poor interpersonal skills. This causes people to feel unsafe opening up which halts relationship progression.

Tips to Avoid Overstepping Boundaries:

The key is being mindful and respectful of diverse perspectives and comfort levels. Seek explicit permission before probing sensitive subjects or pushing for increased closeness. Let relationships advance at an organic pace.

Implementing Even Small Changes Can Make a Big Difference

The good news is that becoming aware of toxic habits that turn people off is the first step toward replacing them with more attractive behaviors. You don’t have to overhaul your entire personality.

Even small tweaks to how you communicate, empathize, listen and respect boundaries can dramatically increase your interpersonal appeal. It comes down to adopting the mindset of wanting to understand where others are coming from versus making assumptions.

With some effort, you absolutely can transform yourself into someone others want to get to know better and spend more time around. Focus on projecting warmth, positivity, sensitivity, and genuine interest in learning about people. 

Treating others how you would like to be treated yourself is always a good policy when unsure how to act. If certain behaviors would annoy, offend or repel you, avoid doing those things to other people. 

The more you can step outside yourself and see the world through others’ eyes, the faster your likeability will grow. Shedding just a few toxic tendencies and making mindful improvements to your social skills will open up a whole new world of rewarding relationships.